


Don't Hold Me Down

by Gluub



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Anxiety, Bottom Castiel, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Roller Coaster, Eventual Smut, Family Issues, Fluff and Smut, Hurt Castiel, Hurt Dean, Hurt/Comfort, John Winchester Being an Asshole, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, M/M, Past Abuse, Possessive Dean, Sad Castiel/Dean Winchester, Smut, Substance Abuse, Teen Angst, Teen Castiel (Supernatural), Teen Dean Winchester, Top Dean, Triggers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-26
Updated: 2017-08-19
Packaged: 2018-11-19 07:18:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11308464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gluub/pseuds/Gluub
Summary: All of their lives it felt like everyone was against them, people telling them they were dramatic and that they were just kids, nobody understood them. Both of their lives different, yet the same. Dean wasn't quite...There with his father, he had trouble trying to open up because of how much his father pushed him down. Not realizing that meeting Castiel would change that, change the way he was around people. Helping him to tear down the wall his father forced him to put up. Castiel, too busy wanting to help Dean, ignored his own problems and rarely brought them up around Dean, afraid it would push him away, not wanting Dean to worry about more than he had to already.





	1. Two lives (Dean POV)

**Author's Note:**

> Again, another midnight fic...Well, I have been up all night and it's 5am so I guess it's a morning fic??? Idk I just hope it's not shit when I wake up later :D  
> Honestly I am so tired rn.

Mornings were the worst, but then again...Most nights when his father came home were the worst and will continue to be until he can move out, but for now...He had to stay, he was old enough to leave. To leave all the troubles he had with his dad behind and start fresh, but he couldn't, he would never do that to his brother. He didn't want to be the way his dad was, just leave him to fend for himself while he was left under the care of their dad. 

Dean didn't want to tell anybody about this, about what his life was like at home. Why he never invited anybody over, his dad was...Something. There were days when they had normal conversations without him snapping at them, without him coming home angry and breaking things out of frustration of something that was going on. Dean never knew what was going on, what his dad was doing the days he was gone, he didn't want to know either. He slowly slipped out of his bed and went over to Sam's, shaking him awake so he could get ready for school. "Hey...Sammy, wake up, we have to get ready." He grumbled and watched as Sam shoved Dean's hands away, "God, can you at least try to wake me up nicely?" He huffed back and rubbed his eyes as he sat up in his bed, "Sorry, Sam but it's the only way I know how." He grinned.

Dean walked over to their beaten up dresser, the knobs wiggly and the drawers crooked, having to lift it up slightly as he opened it and got himself some fresh clothes. Walking around the dirty clothes that were left all over the floor of their room and went out to the bathroom, looking out from the narrow hallway and saw their dad asleep on the couch, he swallowed roughly, not wanting to wake him up as he walked through the small kitchen and dining room to the bathroom. It took a lot to make their dad wake up after another night drinking, but he did wake up, he would be angry and lash out. Throwing things, even grabbing Sam a few times when he was angry but Dean would always step in right when he started to get physical with Sam.

He had to stay cautious, keep his guard up at all times. He slipped out of his boxers and took a quick shower, hearing Sam gently bang on the door, loud enough to get Dean's attention. He groaned and rolled his eyes, "Alright! I heard you already. I'm coming out." He grunted and put on his jeans and a Skynyrd Lynyrd T-Shirt, fixing up his hair and looking at himself in the foggy mirror before opening the door for Sam to take a shower. "I hope you didn't waste the hot water." Sam frowned and Dean gave him a small shove, "Calm down princess, I didn't." He teased back and got his worn out boots on. 

He froze when his dad shifted on the couch, hoping that wasn't awake. He sat at the table and watched him for a minute before he knew that he wasn't getting up anytime soon. He rubbed his face and got up quickly to go get his jacket and waited for Sam to finish up before they got in the car and left, "Hey, I have some money for lunch today...It's uh, enough for two days so don't waste it." He mumbled as Sam got in the passenger seat, handing him the money. Sam stared at him a minute, "Dad didn't save anything again, right?" He asked and took the money, "Hey, don't be mad at him, it's not his fault, alright? We got a roof over our head and now we got some money for lunch." He said back and kept his eyes on the road as he backed out of the driveway.

"You say that like this time it's going to be a permanent stay, we've been moving around for years Dean. Dad could have settled anytime and earned money by keeping one steady job so we could affor-"

"Hey, we've been living alright for a year now. We can afford what we can and dad is trying to make some money. Just drop it." Dean snapped back and gripped at the wheel, "Just be glad that this house is permanent for now, even if we move again in a month. I know you're mad, but I'm going to be making money soon, then we'll get lunch every day and dad can blow all his on whatever the fuck he does when he isn't home." He glanced over at Sam and his expression softened, finally parking he turned to give his full attention to Sam, "I didn't mean to get mad, alright? It's just...I understand It'll get better soon. I promise." 

Sam looked up at him, his eyes slightly glossy but Dean could tell he was holding his anger back as he got out the car and slammed the door, Dean sat there a minute. Angry with himself, he knew that he lashed out at Sam because he was just as angry as he was. He snapped, just like his father, Sam had given him the Sam expression he'd give dad and it only made the anger rise in Dean's throat. "God dammit." He muttered to himself and slammed his hands on the wheel, resting his forehead against it with his eyes closed for a second. He didn't want Sam to see him like their dad.

Dean didn't want him to feel the way they did around their dad, the fear of him breaking something, shouting or even hurting them. Having to see him when he was drunk and try to take care of him like another child in the house. He didn't want to end up like that, make Sam deal with Dean like he had to deal with dad. He lifted his head up when he felt himself cool down, letting out a heavy sigh as he got out of the car and went into the school. 

A small smile as he caught up with his friends, Benny grinning at Dean before his face fell again, "Hey, you alright?" He asked and shoved his hands into his pockets, Dean shrugged and crossed his arms over his chest. "If you mean having to deal with an argument on the way over as alright? I'm peachy." He muttered and Benny elbowed him, "Hey, don't let that get you all worked up." He laughed, "We're going out later after school if you want to come, a few others are coming too if your cool with that. Just two guys I know, I think you'll get along with them." Dean rolled his eyes and started walking down the hall, "You act like I am some type of pet."

"In a way, you kind of are, hostile. Just need someone to tame you." He chuckled, "Fighting and growling all day between different people."

"Shut up, Benny." He grumbled back and shook his head, "I don't pick fights, people fight me. You know I wouldn't just...Look at somebody and want to fight." He sighed out, "And I am not hostile." He frowned and Benny laughed at him, "Only trying to mess with you before class starts, you always come here late you know. Why are you late all the time anyways? Late night chatting with your girlfriend on the phone?" 

"I said shut up, Benny." He grunted again and Benny shrugged, "Just curious to know what Dean Winchester does on his free time after school when nothing is going on. You never talk about what you do."

"Well, my life is pretty fucking boring, Benny. I go to sleep, I eat and I occasionally rub one out." He laughed and Benny shot a glare at him, "Fuck you, It was just to start a friendly conversation." He said as the bell rang, "Well, I guess our conversation is over then. I'll see you during lunch, yeah?" He asked and Benny shrugged, "It depends, my girl might want to hang out by the bleachers." Dean nodded and waved at Benny, glad to have gotten out of the conversation. That was too close, he didn't want to lie because that would only make them want to come over and he couldn't tell the truth because there was a chance they would put Sam in foster care. He felt a weight lift off him once he finally sat down in his desk, sinking back and closed his eyes.


	2. Ordinary (Castiel POV)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fuck, this probably sucks, I went of track bc I wanted to try and fit a bunch of shit FORGIVE ME.

Castiel wasn’t extraordinary in anyway, at least he didn’t think of himself as the type of person to stand out in the crowd. Except for being more on the formal side, he was ordinary. If he were a book, he would be a book on good manners and Etiquette, if he were a song he would just be that simple hum in the background. He was plain, unadorned, basic, modest, simple. Just the modern Cookie-Cutter boy. 

He didn’t mind, his grades were fine and life at home was… Interesting, at least when it felt like a million siblings lived with him. But now, the house was bare. Just him and his brother Gabriel who would stop by, he was alone. His father rarely ever home since he did have a lot to do, he was kind of glad since it was awkward when they spoke to each other, he couldn’t really talk to any of his siblings either since. It’s hard when you have so much to say but don’t have anyone that will listen.  
Lucifer was his least favorite out of all of them, they say hate is a strong word but he completely despised him. Every fiber of his being would heat up in anger when he was around, it was mostly because of him that he hated his childhood. Usually people say how you’ll miss being a child or 'the good old days’, Castiel would never describe his childhood the way he describes himself now. It was probably the hardest time of his life, being picked on by him and beaten by him, it may just sound like simple sibling rivalry. But it was a living hell, sometimes the others would join in like HE was the black sheep of the family. 

None of them apologized for it, except Gabriel, besides that, they refuse to acknowledge it. Like none of it ever happened, even though it is fresh in his mind, forever scarred. He even had scars from the times he had been hurt by them, he doesn’t talk about it. He knows not to and he can’t worry his father about the past, about his kids because he knows he will take the blame for it all and he was already doing so much. A little weight on his shoulders wouldn’t hurt, anyways. 

He woke up, five o’clock sharp as always for as long as he can remember. Getting dressed in a button up and ironed black pants, pulling the collar up to cover a long pink scar on his neck, making sure it didn’t show. He looked himself over in the mirror before grabbing his things and walked down the stairs, the sound of his shoes echoed around the house as he headed to the door. Looking back as he opened it, “I’ll be back!” He called, followed by silence and the quiet hum of the house. He let out a soft sigh and closed the door behind him, walking to school, he had to get up early to walk since the school was two miles down and he wanted to make it into class before he ran into anybody. School was his new hell, but it was his last year so he had to suck it up. 

It was pretty muggy, the wind blowing like hot breath and the dark clouds made it feel more eerie than it needed to be as he walked to school. He let out a soft sigh and fixed his hair up, running his fingers through it a few times and gave up when the wind just kept blowing in his face. He walked in, only teachers roaming the halls tiredly and giving Castiel a small nod as they passed him. He was the first in class, not even the teacher was there yet, finding a good seat in back and grabbed out a book. Reading for awhile as he started to hear talking and the hallways grow louder and soon students began walking into the classroom. 

Signaling for him to set his book aside and grab out his folder to had his homework to the teacher. The bell rang as their teacher began to write on the board, “Now, school has started a month ago so I am sure you are already familiar with classes and such. We’ll be picking class reps soon and would like to have some volunteers…” Castiel was barely paying attention now, staring blankly at the board with his eyebrows furrowed. Unsure what to make of the stuff they were writing on the board, who the hell thought that Math was great for first period? His brain was barely functioning as he decided just to copy everything down from the board onto his notebook. 

“I am sure Mr. Winchester would love to volunteer to be our class Representative this year, now wouldn’t you?” They said and the guy asleep in his desk jolted, moving his whole desk as he cleared his throat and blinked roughly for a few seconds, “Uh… No, No sir.” He half laughed and a few of the girls laughed at him, Castiel rolled his eyes a bit and stared over at him. His eyebrows still furrowed, “Good, I was hoping that Castiel would like to be class Rep for at least a semester.” He heard a quite a few snickers and could feel all eyes on him, making him grow uncomfortable, straightening up in his seat and fiddled with his hands. 

Unsure of what to say, “Well… I don’t really see why not since it would be a… A nice opportunity to represent our class.” He said with a slight smile, “He's always a fucking teachers pet, isn’t he?” He heard someone mutter and he quickly looked down at his desk, adjusting his collar, “But, I don’t seem fit for it, thank you… For the offer.” He mumbled quickly and continued to take notes from the board, “Of course he’d say that, just wanting for the teacher's attention, fucking dumb, isn’t it?” He heard another mumbled to their friends and laugh, he could never win. He either seemed like he was stuck up, too good or a teacher’s pet, no matter what he said or did. 

He felt like they were all still staring at him, just keeping his head low until class ended and he waited to be the last one out. Not wanting to hear everything they said when he wasn’t around, it doesn’t seem like they hold back on what they say in front of him anyways. It might be just as bad when he isn’t around. He slowly gathered his things and saw the guy who slept most of class walk out with one of the bigger guys in his fifth period, Benny. 

He watched them a minute and shook his head, typical for a bunch of fighting dumbasses to flock together like birds. They didn’t care about education and the importance of it, they didn’t take life seriously at all. But really, he kind of envied that, just not being able to care or at least seem like he didn’t. He cared too much, grades, career, life, home, family and friends… Cut the last one, worried about not having any friends. He always worried, whether big or small. 

Classes were going by fast and it was already time for lunch, he never ate. He just…Never really had an appetite, being around people in the lunchroom that he didn’t know, people talking about him or picking on him. It all just made him less hungry, you weren’t allowed to go out but people did it anyways, he wouldn’t break a rule like that. He stood by his locker, just to put his backpack away for awhile before he felt someone staring. Turning around and clenched his jaw, “May I help you?” He asked and the three of them scoffed, “How come you go to this school, Castiel? Don’t your parents have big money? Go to a damn private school if you are going to be looking like that.” He straightened up, these types of things never really got too physical because he would run. He didn’t want to get anything put on his record, getting into a fight was the last thing he wanted on their, not to mention suspension. 

“I beg your pardon? But that is very personal information.” He mumbled out and one of them grabbed him by his collar, “Don’t play fucking dumb, you got a lot of money, a big house. Bet your mom really had to mooch off of your dad to get all of it and run away after.” He smirked and Castiel felt a lump grow in his throat, “My life has nothing to do with you.” that earned him a good punch to the jaw and he clenched it tight, “We all know your mom was a fucking whore, Castiel. A gold digger! That's why she fucking left you, isn’t it?” He raised his voice and gave him a shove before letting him go, Castiel felt the blood come out his busted lip and he wiped it off. 

“Pathetic bastard isn’t he?” One chimed in and made them all laugh as they walked down the hall and caught up with Benny and the others, “Can’t even fight for himself.” Once they left Castiel punched his locker as hard as he could, leaving a slight dent in it. It was true, about his mother. There was nothing he could do about it, It explained why he was so different from the others when he was little. They weren’t related by blood, he was their step brother and used him as a punching bag to let out their pain for when their mother died. He got into fist fights with a lot of them because of the way they disrespected her. Using the same words, it always made his blood boil, his mother did her best, she tried and this was her way of getting them out of poverty. 

It was true she dated his father for the money, but she did for him. It had always been for him until she left again, this time without him. He rubbed his knuckles as they reddened and he let out a cracked grunt, the lump in his throat burning but he held it together pretty well as he walked down to the bathroom to check his jaw and busted lip. His eyes burning as he kept his head down and got bumped into, raising his head quickly and cleared his throat. “Sorry, sorry…I should have been watching where I was going.” He managed while his voice cracked, “No… It’s uh… Fine, hey, are you alright?” Fuck, it was sleepy guy from earlier, looking away and ignored him as he continued to walk again. 

Damn, he must’ve seemed like a dick for just bolting, but he needed to get away. Walking through the crowd of people that were finally heading out to their lockers, immediately blending into the crowd. It was his specialty, he was just a guy with a busted lip, just ordinary in every way possible.


	3. Fuck You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, I had to cut some stuff so I could make this good, I hope it make fucking sense. An DJdand

Dean couldn’t really hear anything in his sleep, dreaming about just him and Sam. About how different it would have been if it was just them, Dean would quit school and work for Sam, he’d be able to have good dinner and money for lunch. The voice got louder but Dean was trying hard to drown it out before he heard his name and snapped awake. Feeling a pair of eyes on him he looked over at them. Seeing their blank expression, he stared back for a minute second, the fuck is his problem? He looked back at the teacher and half smiled trying to look apologetic although he didn’t really care about being yelled at, he got enough of that shit at home. 

Looking over when he said another name, seeing everyone look at the same guy. He rose his brows, he never noticed him before, he might not have had any classes with him before either. Castiel? What kind of name was that? He listened to him talk and just stared at him, the name finally seemed to fit the personality, he sounds like he has a stick up his ass everyday. He smirked a bit and shook his head before he leant back into his seat as he heard a few people make comments.

Glancing back at Castiel for a second and saw him completely hunch over and fumble around to find different words, Dean frowned as he watched him, his whole body language changed. Dean could tell he heard all the comments and rolled his eyes a bit as he heard people sitting next to him, “Hey, knock it off.” He snapped at them quietly and they quieted down, at least he felt like he helped somewhat. 

Making it through the rest of the period was a hassle of trying not to get caught sleeping, nodding off as they read textbooks and half asleep as he tried to take notes. It was draining, especially when you have to figure out another way to make macaroni and cheese appetizing the next four days. Classes were annoying, especially when everyone tried to talk to you in a middle of a nap. 

He smiled as he felt Benny elbow him teasingly, “What do you want, Benny?” He asked and shoved his beaten up folder in his locker, shoving his hands in his pockets, “Just seeing if you were heading to the bleachers with us.” He grinned and Dean shrugged, “Maybe, only if I don’t get caught with alcohol again. I can’t afford to get suspended, my parents will kill me but I think Sam will do it first.” He joked, but it wasn’t really much of a joke, if the school ever called his dad and told him that he was suspended again. 

Benny rolled his eyes, “What are you, a pussy? Whatever, we couldn’t get alcohol this time anyways.” He laughed and leant against the lockers, “Hey, I gotta drop off something for my brother so I’ll catch up with you guys.” He said as he walked past Benny, seeing the bit of money in his pocket that he had for lunch. He knew he wasn’t going to use it anyway, might as well let Sam get a decent meal in. 

He had enough time since they got out of class early, the bell rang for the classes to be dismissed and he kept staring down at his money. He getting shoved a bit, he grunted and lifted his head up, seeing Castiel. He looked…Upset? Something was clearly wrong with this guy, noticing the split lip right away. He knitted his eyebrows together, his voice cracked as he spoke that really did it for Dean. Reminding him of how when Sam was hurt he did the same thing, “...You alright?” He mumbled as he looked him over and Castiel just walked away, the crowd of people beginning to build up and he watched as he left into the crowd.

Now it was leaving Dean wondering what was wrong with that guy, he just seemed off. Almost like a robot disguise as a person, it was weird, he just felt like that guy was hiding something from everyone. He might just be the son of a mafia boss, that's why he has a lot of money, that would be a badass secret to hide compared to the one Dean was hiding about himself. 

He stopped by Sam’s locker and opened it, he knew both of their combinations by heart so he could easily slip Sam money or lunch. He smiled to himself as he looked over all of Sam’s books neatly organized with a bunch of papers. That kid was going places, Dean knew he would be successful in anything. He was the smartest kid Dean knew, and Dean didn’t really know a lot of smart people. He let out a small sigh as he closed it, knowing this was his last year of helping Sammy out before he had to go. 

It hurt when all the old memories just came rushing back and gripped at his heart, juicing it of everything he had. He knew Sam was going to leave him too, he quickly swallowed it all down and bottled it up again. Almost losing control of himself again, he shook it off and quickly headed outside to the bleachers, already caught up with Benny and the others. He smiled as Benny directed his attention to Dean and laughed, “You just missed it, these two have a good story to tell you.” He said and Dean looked over at them, seeing that the biggest dumbasses in school had such a 'great’ story was unimaginable. Dean scoffed a bit and raised a brow, “Alright, shoot.” He said and clapped his hands, sitting down on the bleachers with them. 

They grinned widely and started to adjust themselves in their spots, “You know that rich kid? What was his last name?” He asked as he looked at the other, “It was Novak. Castiel Novak, yeah.” He added and grinned widely, “Right, so fucking Novak was walking down the hall and was at his locker. We messed with him a bit and you should’ve seen the look on his face, he was so fucking angry but he knows he can’t do anything to us.”

“Yeah, that Novak thinks he’s all that because his Dad has money. He looked like he was about to cry, wish we should’ve done more, see what really gets him mad.” Dean instantly frowned and got up to walk away, they all stopped and just stared at him. “Hey, what the fuck is you're probably, Dean? We were just messing with the guy.” Dean sneered, “Messing with, huh?” He repeated to himself before turning around on his heels and looking back at all of them, “It’s one thing to poke fun of your own damn friends, but hurting a kid that none of you even fucking know is messed up.” He raised his voice at them and their eyes widened, Benny let out a small sigh and went after Dean. 

Dean couldn’t believe it, his split lip and the redness of his jaw was from them. Of course it would be, “Dean, hey! Man, wait up!” Benny called and he stopped to look back at Benny, “Dean, I didn’t know Castiel was your friend, alright?” He said and Dean shook his head, “No, friend or not, none of you should be beating on them like that. Poor or rich, you got that?!” He shouted Benny and could tell he was getting angry, “Fuck you, you're getting mad at me for something those dumbasses did?” He shot back and got closer to Dean, a teacher coming out and shouted at them to get back in the school. “I’m mad at you for not doing anything about it, for making fun of him like that, you were apart of it too even if you weren't there.” He said and shoved Benny away, he snapped and punched him square on the jaw. His head snapped to the side roughly and he tackled Benny down, getting a good few punches in before he flipped them around and started to punch him in the face again. 

Dean grunted and shrugged them off as the teacher grabbed ahold of Benny and brought him back into the school, “Fuck you, Dean!” He shouted and a few others came out to escort them all back into the school. Dean ended up stating in the nurse's office the rest of the day, holding a thick cotton ball to his nose as it bled and licked the blood from the corner of his mouth. A few bruises began to spread on his face almost matching the faded black of his t-shirt.

He sat there and just hoped his dad wasn’t home to answer the home phone, he was growing anxious as he waited in there, looking around and bouncing his legs. He heard the door click and slowly open up, Seeing the nurse come in with Castiel. He rose his brows as he stared at Castiel, lifting his hand up from his thigh and gave a quick wave before setting it back down. Castiel just stared at him, the bruise on his jaw was dark now and Dean could see that his knuckles were a bit puffy and scraped up. It was also probably from earlier. 

The nurse gave him some ice for his jaw and wrapped up his hand, sitting in a chair near Dean, “Thank you, Angie.” He said to the nurse as she walked out with a smile, Dean cleared his throat and looked back at him, “First name bases with a nurse? You're either in here a lot or you're dating that chick.” He chuckled and Castiel just kept staring in his lap awkwardly before shrugging, “Well, I am not dating her, obviously.” He mumbled seriously and Dean rolled his eyes, this guy must really have a stick up his ass. He peeled the cotton ball away from his nose and looked back at Castiel, “It was just a joke man, relax a little.” He smiled. 

“What…Happened to you?” Castiel asked and finally lifted his head up to look at Dean, Dean shrugged nonchalantly, “Got into a bit of a fight.” He said and wiped his nose with the back of his hand, Castiel seemed to take it more seriously than he thought he would. Benny and all them would just shrug it off and laugh at him but he actually looked concerned for him, “It's…Nothing, really. I’ve been through worse, hopefully I don’t end up expelled or something.” He sighed out, trying to act as calm as he could, even though he was terrified of what was going to happen. 

Castiel spoke up after a while, making Dean jump, “I guess…You could say I got into a bit of a fight myself, but it’s not as bad as you. It looks…Really bad, don’t you need any ice?” He asked and pulled his away from his jaw, “I have to go anyway, you can use mine.” He said as he rubbed it off on his pants and handed it to Dean, Dean was surprised by the gesture. He nodded speechless, he watched as Castiel walked out of the nurses office. Dean didn’t really need it, his face would heal without it. Castiel didn’t seem like the guy everyone made him out to be, he didn’t seem stuck up at all. He was a bit serious, yes, but the poor guy was just misunderstood by everybody.

He looked down at the ice pack and sighed as he pressed to his cheek right as Sam came rushing in with an angry expression on his face. Dean swallowed roughly and shrugged with a half smile, “Don’t worry, Sam. I’ll be fine.” He mumbled and Sam roughly punched him in the shoulder, “Let’s just hope that dad is at the bar or out of town.” Dean nodded apologetically and rubbed his shoulder, “What were you doing?! Fighting yet again, outside where everybody could see.” Dean rolled his eyes, “Calm down, I said it’s fine, I can deal with it.” He said simply, “Fine?” Sam repeated and flopped down next to Dean with a dramatic huff, crossing his arms over his chest. Sitting together silently for a minute before he finally sat up straighter, “I thought you were friends with that guy?”

“Benny? Well…I guess not anymore, not after what they all did. I’m sorry, Sam.” He sighed out and set the ice pack in his lap, “Go back to class, I’ll talk to them.” He smiled and Sam rolled his eyes as he got up and headed to the door, “I just… You know how dad is. “ He muttered and walked out, Dean felt awful for making Sam worry, he knew Sam was afraid for him. Because of dad, Sam always worried for him, Dean clenched his jaw and out his head in his hands as he waited for when the principal came in to talk to both of them.


	5. Home (Castiel POV)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one was pretty rushed bc I haven't updated in a while, very sorry about that to those of you who actually read this :P

Castiel couldn’t stand it, seeing another person hurt or get into fights. It was all so stupid, as adults or teenagers in school, they know doing so could get them in trouble. So why? Why risk it going on your record, of your parents losing respect for you or trust? He never understood that feeling of anger for another. He had never really hated anybody, not full on hatred to the point of where he would go into a full fist fight with someone. To risk his record, suspension or being expelled.

The nurse would always ask who would do this to him, she knew a handful of kids that were labeled as bad, kids that would come in almost as much as he did but instead of being the victim, they were the bullies. He felt bad, felt like a nark if the words escaped his mouth, their names didn’t taste good holding them in either. He wanted to, many times he would almost come clean and list off all the names, all of them. His throat would always tighten and he would just swallow the words down, “It’s nothing, I just need ice. It was an accident that happened when I woke up this morning and it has been a great bother to me, it has been going down nicely seeing that it is a jaw bruise but I just wish to sit in here a while.” He said simply and sucked in his bottom lip to hide it from her. 

Castiel knew she wouldn’t really buy that, it was clearly too fresh to be something that had happened when he woke but it was nothing to him. He wanted to make sure she knew that, it was just a minor inconvenience. When he saw Dean in the chair as he walked in and thanked Angie, he didn’t acknowledge him at first, he was still afraid because of the people that Dean hung out with. He would be just like them, even if it was just to seem cool in front them or if that was really how he was, he didn’t want to know for sure. 

The small talk Dean was trying to make was almost unbearable, it was too much for him on a social level. He didn’t know what he would think of him, that was always what he was worried about, what would they think of him when he finally spoke up? He got used to it after awhile and built up a bit of courage to talk to him before he walked out. He let out a heavy sigh, he didn’t know how stiff he was acting until finally left the office and a kid came running past him into the room. 

He stopped, just watching a minute with his eyebrows slightly knit together, must’ve been his sibling. He didn’t know and really didn’t care, he rubbed his jaw and started to wish he had kept the ice pack once the throbbing came back and he had to head to the last periods of the day. He wouldn’t necessarily call it hellish, but it was...Something, that was the best way to describe it. It was as it always was and will be for the next few months, he never wanted to tell his kids or future friends that high school was a living hell for him but it was. He just wanted to deny it, sugarcoat it as best as he could, knowing that some kids out there have it worse. That most kids don’t get the opportunities that he had, that’s what he would think about to make him feel like this was nothing. 

Castiel usually stalled before going home, talking to teachers about work or future things that he would need to work on. Wandering around the school until all the students had left and gone outside to blankly watch people practice for soccer or football, whatever sport was going on outside at the moment because he was afraid of going to an empty house. Of being alone, he hated that, that feeling of alone. Even when he was alone he was around people, that was what made it comfortable like he wasn’t alone because he was surrounded by noise and people that it made it feel okay. But, going home is what made it really settle in, how alone he really was. Not having anybody to talk to, to express himself to. What made him realize just how alone he was, the quietness, that lonely feeling weighing down on him, he didn’t know how to describe it. 

What truly made it fearful was the fact that Lucifer or any of them could show up, ask for their dad or what he has been up to. They’d call, he’d ignore it when he saw the home phone ring even if it wasn’t them. Lucifer never changed, not really, he had matured in the sense that he is able to hold a job and not go out with friends as much as he used to when he was a kid. He would leave small comments in the answering machine, the smallest comments, that should mean nothing to a person but to Castiel they cut deep. Because his father traveled he didn’t want to disturb his travels with stuff Lucifer has said, he didn’t want to bother his dad about what has really been happening in school and definitely didn’t want to express himself to his father of all people.

The comments, the ones that cut deep, “How’s your mom doing, Castiel?” He’d ask and that really hurt, it hurt so much one time that Castiel actually broke it. He had never been in touch with his mother ever since she had left him, left him with Lucifer and the others. She was blood and he still loved her, wanted to know the reason for her leaving. They used to say it was because she never loved him and just needed a place to dump him, he never believed it when he was younger but now he is beginning to think otherwise. He has lived through harsh reality at a young age that now he is beginning to think it is true.

He was left to sit on the bleachers, the sunlight finally burning out and the streetlights began to come on. His gut felt like it was knotting up when he saw the people leave in groups once again and he was left outside by himself. Today it was hitting hard, everything was just getting to him and he was trying so hard not to let it in. Swallowing it all down and just trying to go home. He walked, kicking pebbles in all directions as he made it down the sidewalk. 

He was tired, if he were, to be honest, he was emotionally tired and just need to let it out but he didn’t. He couldn’t anyway and talking to yourself just makes you look crazy, “Hey!” He jumped at the voice, that sudden shout in the complete silence was startling. He recognized the voices all too well. Benny and possibly his group since he started to hear their rushing, “You narked them out, didn’t you!” He shouted and Castiel’s heart began to pound at the sudden realization that they had possibly gotten into trouble because of him. He quickly broke into a sprint, dropping his backpack as he ran, not wanting to be slowed down by it and didn’t care if his books and stuff got stolen.

He ran as humanly possible for him, he didn’t even look back to see if they were even running after him still. He just ran home until he was sweating, not wanting to look back and see that they were just a hair length away. Once he had finally got into his hard was when he stopped and looked back just to see nobody there. He was breathing hard and felt extremely hot because of the clothing he chose to wear that day, it felt suffocating. The fabric uncomfortably stuck to his body and he went inside when he noticed the clouds stirred and were a dark grey, he changed out of his clothes and didn’t bother taking a shower, he was too worried that they’d show up around his house that he lurked in the kitchen and saw it was raining and slowly got harder. He sat at the small island in the middle of the kitchen and crossed his arms over the table with a shaky sigh, closing his eyes as he sat there hunched over and fell asleep like that. A lump still in his throat as he held back everything he was feeling, falling asleep without even realizing it.


End file.
